Accepting the 3Fs: Your emotional survival guide.
Today, we’re diving into the topic of the three Fs: fight, flight, and freeze. These instincts are our ancient survival system, kicking in when we face change, and sometimes, change can feel like a saber-toothed tiger charging at us! Aline,breaks down how these reactions helped cave people survive and how they still pop up in our lives today, often when we’re trying to make healthy changes. We’ll chat about recognizing the signs of resistance, distraction, and avoidance that come with each of the three Fs, and how we can actually befriend them instead of letting them run the show. So, grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let’s explore how to navigate these gut reactions like the empowered beings we are!
In a world that constantly pushes us to change, Aline, our acceptance guide, takes us on a captivating ride through the three Fs: fight, flight, and freeze. These instinctual responses, which once saved our ancestors from becoming a mammoth’s dinner, can also create unnecessary drama in our lives today. Aline dives into how these ancient reactions manifest in our modern-day dilemmas—whether it's the resistance felt when trying to adopt healthier habits, the urge to flee from uncomfortable situations, or the inclination to freeze and avoid confronting our emotions. She skillfully intertwines humor with insight, making the complex dance of our emotions feel relatable and even a bit funny at times.
With her signature warmth, Aline encourages us to make peace with our three Fs. By acknowledging that fight is about resistance, flight is about distraction, and freeze is about avoidance, we can start to take control of these responses instead of letting them control us. Aline suggests practical exercises to ease these feelings, such as placing a hand over our hearts and affirming our safety—who knew a little self-soothing could go such a long way? It’s all about creating a nurturing dialogue with ourselves, especially for those of us in the empath and highly sensitive community, who often feel these instincts more acutely.
As the episode wraps, Aline leaves us hanging with a teaser about tackling our inner critics next time. With a dash of humor and a whole lot of empathy, she reminds us that embracing our feelings is a crucial step towards genuine self-acceptance. So, let’s cozy up, brew that tea, and embark on this journey of understanding our three Fs and beyond—because who doesn’t want to flourish and thrive in their own fabulous way?
Transcript
Hello, gorgeous.
Speaker A:And a warm welcome to accepting.
Speaker A:This is episode three and today we are diving into accepting the three Fs.
Speaker A:I'm Aline, your host.
Speaker A:I'm the acceptance coach, a mentor and a channel.
Speaker A:And I love to see empaths and highly sensitive people flourish.
Speaker A:So grab yourself a cup of tea, get cosy and let's dive in.
Speaker A:Now, the three Fs, as I like to call them, are commonly known as flight, fight and freeze.
Speaker A:And in this episode, we're going to be talking about what each of those means, what they used to mean when we were cave people, how they show up today, how we can quieten them, and how we can work with them to our advantage.
Speaker A:So first of all, the three Fs fight, flight and freeze.
Speaker A:Now, when we were cave people, this was wonderful.
Speaker A:Survival of the fittest.
Speaker A:We had limbic brains that would tell us of imminent danger.
Speaker A:So if something was about to happen to us, maybe there was a saber toothed tiger or a mammoth was coming towards us, or the cave was about to be shut by a boulder, our limbic brains would kick in into the survival mode of fight, flight and freeze.
Speaker A:Now, as cave people, this was absolutely brilliant because it kept us completely safe.
Speaker A:So we would, let's say we were being approached by hunters, then we may fight or we may run away, flight, or we may hide and freeze.
Speaker A:So all of this was designed to keep us safe.
Speaker A:And we still have those brains, we still have those limbic brains in this day and age.
Speaker A:And they are wonderful if we're in peril.
Speaker A:And they are also wonderful as we navigate how to work with them.
Speaker A:When we are in the limbic brain, our nervous system is in the sympathetic nervous system, which can bring us to shoulders up around the ears, anxiety, shortness of breath, palpitations, and when we are in a state of stress, this is what can happen for us.
Speaker A:So for example, when we were cave people and we were shown and told that there was change in our environment, this indicated danger to us.
Speaker A:So whenever there's change in our environment, our limbic brain kicks in with fight, flight and freeze to protect us.
Speaker A:And this is when we can go into each of those.
Speaker A:Now, the limbic brain doesn't know, can't differentiate whether something is danger or not.
Speaker A:It just sees change.
Speaker A:So any kind of change in our environment can produce the fight, flight, freeze mode to come into action.
Speaker A:So it's constant.
Speaker A:So when we think about it, if you think about the Internet, for example, constantly changing, if you think about when you're going through your day and you're going from a different mode of transport, that's change.
Speaker A:When you're walking into different environments and meeting different people, that's change.
Speaker A:And as empaths and highly, highly sensitive people, we are very sensitive to change.
Speaker A:So it's really important that we make friends with our three Fs and we really embrace them.
Speaker A:So first of all, let's talk about fight, flight and freeze.
Speaker A:So first of all, fight, how would that come up?
Speaker A:How would you recognize that coming up in everyday life?
Speaker A:So we haven't got a saber toothed tiger coming towards us.
Speaker A:We're not in imminent danger of the boulder, of the cave door closing.
Speaker A:We're not in imminent danger of hunters or another tribe coming to get us.
Speaker A:So how does fight show up?
Speaker A:So, for example, when we're making beautiful changes in our lives that feel really healthy for us but are different, not but and are different to how we've been used to living, our limbic brain can kick in.
Speaker A:So for example, let's say you decided to give up smoking or you decided to drink more water, or you decided to eat a more healthful diet, anything at all.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter how simple it is, it's change.
Speaker A:So it's probably very likely that you may have experienced resistance.
Speaker A:And that's how fight shows up for us.
Speaker A:It shows up as resistance.
Speaker A:And we can find any excuse, any reason not to complete a task, not to make that healthy change that actually we know deep down is really, really good for us.
Speaker A:So that's fight.
Speaker A:Now flight comes up as.
Speaker A:So when we were cave people, flight, we just run for the hills if there's imminent danger, mammoth pegging it towards us, we would peg the other way and run for the hills.
Speaker A:So how does flight show up in, you know, in this day and age again with beautiful changes when we've decided an environment's not quite right for us or a relationship, or there's something that's showing up that doesn't feel right for us and we decide to make a change because it is healthy for us.
Speaker A:Flight can kick in.
Speaker A:So flights can kick in.
Speaker A:And flight is, as I said, running for the hills.
Speaker A:And the way that can show up in these days is we can do everything but, and I'm going to use, but here we can use everything but take that action.
Speaker A:We can suddenly clean the whole house.
Speaker A:We can suddenly feel, oh, yes, I need to do that.
Speaker A:Oh, I haven't done that.
Speaker A:I need to get on with that.
Speaker A:Oh yes, I haven't spoken to that person.
Speaker A:Oh, I'll Go and help with that person.
Speaker A:We can distract ourselves with so many things that actually stop us from moving forward.
Speaker A:So flight doesn't necessarily mean running away, although it very much shows up as that as well.
Speaker A:It means that we can create distractions so we're not going in the direction towards what is really healthy for us.
Speaker A:So that's flight.
Speaker A:And this is where we can become the savior and help everybody else apart from ourselves now.
Speaker A:And I'd really like to say, and to reiterate, this is a judgment free zone, my lovely.
Speaker A:There's absolutely no judgment here.
Speaker A:Everything I'm saying is from the heart.
Speaker A:I have been there, I've done that.
Speaker A:I've bought the T shirt on everything I'm sharing with you, and I still have to work on it.
Speaker A:You know, we all have to work on it.
Speaker A:It's not just, okay, fine, I'm going to work on myself for a week and then that's it.
Speaker A:We work on ourselves every day, and that's how we make healthy changes.
Speaker A:We're going there in another episode.
Speaker A:Let's focus on the fight.
Speaker A:Flight, freeze at the moment.
Speaker A:So we've had.
Speaker A:What does fight mean?
Speaker A:Fight means resistance.
Speaker A:In a nutshell, what does flight mean?
Speaker A:Flight means distraction.
Speaker A:Now, freeze is where we hide, is where we can go very, very into ourselves, is where we switch the phone off, is where we start canceling to go and see, meet friends for a cup of tea.
Speaker A:It's where we start going into our kind of hermit mode.
Speaker A:Now, this is wonderful.
Speaker A:If we are working on some really beautiful, deep, deep, deep inner work.
Speaker A:Fabulous.
Speaker A:To really have yourself in a sacred space I'm talking about every day.
Speaker A:So let's say you're going to start sharing your gifts out into the world, for example, or there's something that you've been really deeply passionate about and you feel you would like to share it with somebody or you would like to start a podcast, or there's something that you would like to do.
Speaker A:And again, it doesn't have to be as big as that.
Speaker A:It can be really small.
Speaker A:It could be, for example, just changing the color in your living room, you know, painting a wall, anything like that.
Speaker A:So the way Freeze comes up is we hide.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And also, freeze can come up.
Speaker A:It's almost like stage fright.
Speaker A:It can come up when we're going, say, for an interview or when we're going into to do a presentation for, you know, a very worthy cause and we're going to show up in all our power and we're absolutely ready to talk to these Wonderful people and share our knowledge and we know that we have all within us to share and to help these people in front of us.
Speaker A:And then we can click into stage fright.
Speaker A:So freeze.
Speaker A:And the stage fright is just our limbic brains just saying, okay, you're going into a different situation here.
Speaker A:Danger, danger, danger.
Speaker A:So with freeze, freeze can show up as crippling fear where you we actually just can't move.
Speaker A:Freeze can show up where we start avoiding.
Speaker A:So freeze is avoidance.
Speaker A:We avoid going into situations.
Speaker A:So with flight we go out and we do everything, but with freeze we avoid, we go into avoidance.
Speaker A:So we cancel appointments, we don't actually speak to people about what's really going on with us.
Speaker A:And you know, we can show up in our Pollyanna and everything's absolutely fine and nobody knows.
Speaker A:That's avoidance as well.
Speaker A:So freeze is very much hiding.
Speaker A:And as I mentioned a moment ago, when we work on ourselves and go really deep, deep diving with beautiful inner work, it's wonderful to have a sacred space.
Speaker A:This is everyday change.
Speaker A:This is embracing who you are, truly, who you were born to be, and stepping into who you are, who you truly are, your true essence.
Speaker A:And when we start to make changes to do this, and as I said, it can be baby, baby changes, tiny baby step changes, the limbic brain can click in to keep us safe.
Speaker A:So when we recognize that fight is resistance, flight is distraction and freeze is avoidance, we can start to nurture our limbic brain and we can start having a conversation about it.
Speaker A:So what we can do here.
Speaker A:So I'm actually going to do another episode on what we call the inner critic.
Speaker A:In this episode, we're understanding what fight, flight and freeze means for us and how it can show up for us.
Speaker A:And then in the next episode, I'm going to be talking about how we can make friends with our inner critic.
Speaker A:So let's focus at the moment on where fights, flight and freeze can show up.
Speaker A:So with cave people, survival of the fittest, Wonderful, great.
Speaker A:Really helped us.
Speaker A:Now if we're in absolute peril and we're the GPS is about to drive us off a cliff or there's something going on, absolutely wonderful.
Speaker A:I mean, these are extremes.
Speaker A:If we're making changes and these click in the best way that we can help ourselves and we can help our system, I find is you just pop your hand on your heart and already just by doing this, you feel so much more relaxed.
Speaker A:You can feel yourself actually going into your parasympathetic system when we do that, because our heart has the answers and Just say to yourself, I am safe.
Speaker A:I've got this.
Speaker A:And if you want to talk to Fight Flight, Freeze, which I do, you can say, we are safe.
Speaker A:Be inclusive.
Speaker A:We are safe.
Speaker A:We've got this.
Speaker A:Or I've got you.
Speaker A:And have a conversation that way.
Speaker A:Have a conversation as if you were talking to a frightened child and you're reassuring that everything's okay.
Speaker A:Now, also, with Fight, Flight and Freeze, we can use it to our advantage, and we do use it to our advantage.
Speaker A:So if there's a situation that you're in and you've been doing inner work and you've been working on yourselves and you've been making healthy changes, and you can see, and you're beginning to start accepting all aspects of yourself, and you go into an environment that before used to feel absolutely fine for you.
Speaker A:And you go into an environment and for some reason you don't feel very safe, or for some reason you feel like you want to go.
Speaker A:Listen to that.
Speaker A:Really, really listen to that.
Speaker A:This is when our limbic system really helps us, because we can ask the question in our parasympathetic state, we can get ourselves into a grounded, calm state.
Speaker A:Once that that kicks up, take notice of it, Take notice of it.
Speaker A:Because as we change our narrative, as we change, we're not changing ourselves.
Speaker A:Remember, as we change what we will and we won't accept, and as we make these healthy changes, it's going to show up the Fight Flight and freeze, the three Fs, let's just call them three Fs.
Speaker A:Three Fs will show up in a very positive way as well, to let you know, in the vibrational state that you're in at the moment, what isn't right for you.
Speaker A:So listen to that.
Speaker A:They may not show up in such a dramatic way as they have as stage fright.
Speaker A:They will show up, and we can really use that to our advantage.
Speaker A:So let's say you're going into an environment that you were used to before, and you've now done a lot of work on yourself, and you understand how to enter certain environments.
Speaker A:If you start coming up with the Fight Flight Freeze, then listen to that.
Speaker A:Because your body, your mind and your soul is alerting to you to what doesn't serve your purpose anymore.
Speaker A:So when this comes up, take yourself away from the situation, get yourself in a really grounded state, and then ask the question and really, really listen to what your answers are.
Speaker A:So when you say, I am safe, and you go into the environment and you still, it doesn't feel quite safe for you.
Speaker A:There's something going on and you're being alerted to that.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Another way that we can work with the positive effects of Fight, Flight, Freeze is to feel that excitement.
Speaker A:If you're going into a job interview, if you're going into a situation and you're actually closing a chapter of your life that doesn't serve you anymore and you're feeling the, you know, the butterflies in the tummy, then work with that and know that that is a reaction to catapult you forward so you can really make those gorgeous changes.
Speaker A:So that is how my lovely Fight, Flight and Freeze showed up for us eons and eons ago, shows up for us now and how we can help ourselves to feel calm and centered and take beautiful action even when the fight, Flight, freeze show up and we can recognize what they are.
Speaker A:So again, to reiterate, fight is resistance, flight is distraction, freeze is avoidance.
Speaker A:So just remember the next time there's anything that you'd like to do, if any of those, if you start feeling, oh, actually, no, I'm not sure about that, paint, color or actually, yeah, I'm not going to go meet that person, I need to do something else.
Speaker A:I haven't done this, I haven't done that, or you see how it works.
Speaker A:So it can be really, really subtle and we don't realize it when we reframe it with resistance, distraction and avoidance, it's a lot easier to recognise.
Speaker A:So the next time you're going somewhere and you decide to maybe cancel at the last minute, recognise what that is.
Speaker A:And in a really beautiful, gentle, non judgmental way, Cleo agrees with me.
Speaker A:I would really like you to embrace that.
Speaker A:So just embrace that.
Speaker A:When the three Fs show up, it's because you're beginning to make gorgeous changes.
Speaker A:And as you're making these gorgeous changes, just remind yourself and your three Fs that you're completely safe, you understand them, you understand it's resistance, avoidance and distraction.
Speaker A:And you've got this.
Speaker A:You've absolutely got this.
Speaker A:So in the next episode, we're going to be diving into accepting the inner critic.
Speaker A:Because I'm an empath, I'm a highly sensitive person and I love to see people like myself, empaths and highly sensitive people really, really flourish because it can be so easy with our sensitivity to just not take steps, to not move forward because we haven't recognized the resistance and the avoidance and the distraction that have come up in our lives because that's been our normal way of dealing with things.
Speaker A:So next episode we're going to be talking about the inner critic and I'm going to be talking through various aspects of that with you.
Speaker A:For now, my gorgeous, here's to your self empowerment, here's to your self acceptance, and here's to the fabulous you.
Speaker A:If you've enjoyed this episode, I really hope you have and you feel that others can benefit from this, please do share and I will see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:My gorgeous.
Speaker A:So much love, Hope.
